Not love, not hate, not fear, not desire. None of those things drove mebefore. It was money, sure, and need to do things right. To keepthings clean...and tidy. Emotions are messy. I saw myself as more of anengineer - measured, precise, correct. The very opposite of Vanessa -emotional, impulsive, caring.Hormones? Could that be it? Chemistry is the scientific explanation.But somehow my change seemed more spiritual than chemical. It had beensudden, like an epiphany, sparked by those blue. Maine mami ko godi me utha liya aur chhat par le gaya.Tab dekha ke chhat pe jo khatiya thi uspe matrices dali hui thi.Main: varsha, tu toh badi fast nikali yaar. Mujhe nahi laga tha, tu itni jaldi maan jayegi.Mami: main toh jab tu yaha aaya tab se tere liye pagal ho gayi hoo, par main soch rahi thi ki, tu kya kahega. Par aaj main ye mauka nahi chhodana chahti.Mami: jada time na le, tera mama jag gaya toh problem ho jayegi. Jaldi se pant utar.Main toh khushi se bawla ho gaya tha. Maine meri pant. "My mom seems to like you," I told her to which she replied, "What's not to like?"I had to admit she had another point.Suzette and I had a nice dinner and went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean." I thought it would be lame, but it was pretty funny. She took my hand midway through the film and didn't let go of it.We ran into one of my conquests in the lobby with her family — that happens when the closest theater is 35 miles away — but Suzette grasped my hand tighter when I tried to pull it. But I recall a time, almost a half a century ago when there was no shame in smoke. Returning home to inform my wife of the pleasant news of good health and the dreadful news of the doctor’s orders to change my habits I recalled those events, when memories were shaped by blue shapeless cigarette smoke suspended in the air. Christmas Eve back then, when Eisenhower was President and Elvis the king, was colder and the snow was measured in feet not inches. That Christmas, my buddies and me were as.
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